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Through My Eyes

I have had several opportunities to see how this component of my personality appears from another's perspective. A friend confided that his family hadn't invited us over because his wife felt her entertaining skills didn't measure up to mine. As the Lakers' play-off season extended all the way to the championship, and many a dinner was served up in our kitchen, a friend called and asked, "May I bring a salad, or will that steal your thunder?" Another expressed something to the effect that it takes less effort on my part to entertain than it does for someone else. Friends have even sarcastically equated my exuberance for holiday decorating and accoutrement to "a Martha Stewart" perfectionism. 

These comments were initially surprising, momentarily stinging and ultimately elucidating. They afforded me an opportunity to re-examine my motivations. I choose to live with exuberance and whimsy because it is personally fulfilling and it keeps my creative spirit young. And I love to entertain because I believe a home is a blessing to be shared. But, in the process of sharing, I appreciate any effort on my behalf; it takes a great deal of thought, time and energy to host gatherings -- for any of us. If I stumbled at the moment of truth, it was giving the impression that I don't need or appreciate reciprocity. My childhood taught me that taking care of others was divine; taking care of myself, selfish. Though I love bringing people together, I also love being carried on the wake of someone else's momentum and enthusiasm.

So I let it be known that donations were readily accepted and heartily welcomed. Now, when a large group gathers for a meal in our kitchen, it is often potluck.
  
We have so much to learn about ourselves by viewing our lives through other's eyes. Life provides us with opportunities for renewal and growth. It is up to us to take advantage of the view.

We learn to be more loving, accepting and forgiving of others when we make an effort to see the world through their life experience. We become more compassionate if we can "walk a mile in someone else's shoes." How would we feel if we were discriminated against because of a physical characteristic or belief, were abandoned by parents, lived in a war zone, lost a child...? We are given innumerable opportunities to empathize by vicariously experiencing another's feelings, another's journey. Anybody's story allows us a deeper understanding and appreciation for a person's struggles and life choices.

I look on our criminal justice system with a sense of dismay. I can't help evaluating the criminal, not the crime, wondering what horrific incidents in one's childhood could rob an individual of a sense of empathy and compassion, self-esteem and potential. When we have the good fortune to grow up with a hopeful, positive outlook, we enrich the world around us -- we don't wreak havoc on it.

There are times we have all taken one look at someone and made an immediate judgment because of a trait that was disconcerting. Consider your first impression of the stranger who ultimately became a good friend. Perhaps mannerisms, lifestyle or even a particular hairdo was initially off-putting. Now consider what you would have missed had you not expended energy to look more deeply.