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Special To You

Is it possible to live our lives so that personal striving doesn't overshadow interpersonal relationships, self-importance doesn't overpower our sensitivities? When we seek creative expression, we are challenged to look inward at the dichotomous traits that, depending upon our mood or situation, can be dominant or subordinate. Either extreme renders us a bit lop-sided. At times, the big shot intimidates our modesty and humility; discipline may leave no wiggle room for playfulness; objectivity can obscure our emotional perspective; practicality can inhibit imagination; and extroversion may undermine quiet introspection. How can these contradictions coexist, each one finding its place in the intricate puzzle that completes the whole?

Balance. In our lives and within ourselves. If the pendulum swings too far in either direction, someone or something is neglected. 

I made my way into adulthood weighted down by an overly serious nature. My days were conducted with discipline and order, I found it nearly impossible to relax if situations weren't buttoned down and under control, time off was a waste of valuable time, and my self-esteem was too fragile to take a joke at my expense. I couldn't lighten up and, therefore, was not living life commensurate with its greater promise and potential -- a fact I was fully cognizant of. 

Oftentimes, a simple acknowledgment of the need for growth will lead us directly into the fire. Before I knew it, flames were nipping at my heels, my answers rapidly unfolding before my eyes. Events left me no option but to sink or to swim as I found myself diving headlong into the upheaval of a chaotic house remodel and, simultaneously, attempting to reorganize my world to accommodate a new baby. There is no controlling an infant's schedule or mood. There is no peace or order when a home environment resembles the aftermath of a tornado.

My ship was adrift and I was no longer at the helm. Out of necessity, I began the slow process of honing a new, come-what-may philosophy -- in the short term, to keep my sanity; in the long term, to reinvent myself.

Both my sons transformed me and, as young men, continue to keep me fluid and on my toes. I struggle with a perpetual need for order, but I have also learned to find contentment in its absence. And as for my home -- I have yet to know the tranquility of a finished one.

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