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Chameleon Cry

Most of us have been chameleons at some point in our lives, transforming our bodies or personalities in ways we believe will please others. Some of us spend an inordinate amount of time in this pursuit, virtually losing touch with our individuality; our vulnerable, wonderfully unique and "imperfect" selves have been suppressed in an attempt to be more acceptable -- someone else's notion of "perfection." How refreshing and liberating it is to rediscover our true selves and genuinely say, "I love and accept who I am."

If we are overly concerned with the opinions of others or are paralyzed with fear about bending rules or facing rejection, we are stifling much of our creative energy. But when we engage our lives with an independent spirit and with confidence and trust in our own instincts and abilities, that inspired being deep inside is able to surface. We just have to be courageous enough to bring it out and dust it off.

Both our sons have amazed me from a very early age with their assurance and uncompromising spirit. I have rarely, if ever, seen them yield to social pressures. Even in kindergarten Gabe stood firm when some of the little boys in his class made fun of him for wearing sandals -- they called them girls' shoes. I told him I had lived in Germany for a year and loved sandals on little boys but would gladly buy him a new pair of summer shoes, if he wished. He continued to wear his sandals. As a young man, he shows no signs of fabricating any dimension of his personality. Even his friends comment to me on his genuine spirit and lack of pretense. To quote the late Flip Wilson, "What you see is what you get."

Gabe had his share of adversity growing up. From a very early age he was faced with a genetic inheritance: a compromised ability to focus in school, to conquer compulsions and to feel socially connected. He struggled through years of frustration and inner turmoil yet emerged generous, gifted, loving and trusting. At the onset, Don and I did not fully comprehend what was happening to our once-carefree five-year-old, but we felt certain his behaviors were not in his control. So we chose to parent with compassion, love, understanding and patience, encouraging him to embrace his uniqueness and to cultivate his gifts.

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